


미안해 사랑해 (I'm sorry, I love you)

by stupidthinker



Series: Faces of Love: JJP Short Fictions [3]
Category: GOT7
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Childhood Friends, Consensual Sex, Consensual Violence, M/M, Victim Blaming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-24
Updated: 2018-06-24
Packaged: 2019-05-28 02:53:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15039104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stupidthinker/pseuds/stupidthinker
Summary: Being bonded to each other meant you were mated for life. It was supposed to be done with someone whom you wanted to spend your life with. But what if your mate was someone who couldn't bear being around you? How did it feel when your love would only be a burden to your mate? Jaebum could confidently answer all those questions, unfortunately.





	미안해 사랑해 (I'm sorry, I love you)

“What? You’re going to confess to Park Jinyoung?”

The name perked Jaebum’s ear. He munched his food slowly as he kept listening to the girls’ conversation. It seemed the said girl nodded from how her friends were reacting.

“Are you for real? I mean, I know he’s a high quality beta that’s more capable than some alpha jerks, and so charming that not only betas, alphas and omegas are also attracted to him. But doesn’t he always reject every advances and confessions? Isn’t the wall surrounding him too high to climb?”

“I know, but I just want to let him know my feeling so I won’t have any regret. I heard he always rejected confessions in a nice and kind way, that everyone accepted it with no hard feeling. I heard he even cheered them up. I’m actually scared I’m gonna fall more for him after I confess because of how kind and attentive he is.”

Jaebum stopped listening. He gobbled down his meal, shifting his attention to the bibimbap in front of him. He pitied himself from envying the girl, and all the people who was able to confess to Jinyoung. Something that would forever be impossible to him.

“Hey, why are you eating here alone?”

Suddenly Sungjin, showed up, putting his tray on the table in front of him. He sat down, one eyebrow raised. Jaebum only shrugged as an answer.

“I don’t mean to pry, you don’t have to answer me. Do you have a bad blood with Park Jinyoung?”

“No, why?”

“Just wondering. You’re fine hanging out with Mark, Jackson, Youngjae, Bambam, and Yugyeom, but whenever Jinyoung is added to the scene, you’ll stay away. If you don’t hate him, then why? Didn’t you came from the same high school?”

“Not only high school, we’ve been together since elementary, actually,” Jaebum glanced at the mentioned boy, many tables away from where he was sitting at the corner of the cafeteria. Jinyoung was laughing at something that Jackson said, and he felt a sting in his heart. He averted his gaze to Sungjin’s widened eyes before Jinyoung noticed it.

“What? You’re his childhood friend? Then why? Are you in a fight or something?”

“Not really,” Jaebum smiled bitterly. He knew Sungjin wasn’t the kind of person to blabber up, and maybe he just needed someone to share his mind with, so he continued. “We’re just become toxic to each other. If I were there, he wouldn’t laugh like that. Not anymore.”

Sungjin frowned. “So he hates you?”

Jaebum shook his head. “Not exactly. What he hates is that I’m his medicine. He needs this poison to live normally.”

“Wait, what?” Sungjin furrowed his brows, “I don’t understand.”

Jaebum chuckled. “Don’t mind it, it’s too complicated. I can’t tell you more. Sorry.”

Sungjin smiled. “Don’t be. You’re not obligated to tell me anything. Thanks for trusting me enough to tell me those things, actually.”

Jaebum smiled back, watching as his friend started eating. Suddenly, a familiar scent, though faint, passed through his nose. A scent only him could smell. His eyes snapped back to Jinyoung, who was no longer laughing. His face paled, and he was sweating bucket. He saw him excused himself and walked outside. He quickly picked up his bag and stood up, earning puzzled stare from Sungjin.

“Sorry, I need to go now,” he said. Without waiting for Sungjin’s response, he ran after Jinyoung. However, the boy was already nowhere in sight. The familiar scent was still there, though. He followed it, trailing its trace which brought him to the farthest stall in the toilet. He put cleaning in progress sign outside the toilet before entering and locked the door. The smell hit him strong, he could barely keep his head clear even after all those suppressant he took by routine. He tried not to think about it as he put down his bag and knocked the door.

“Jinyoung, are you okay?”

The muffled voice that came from behind the door was weak and quivering. “J-Jaebum?”

“Yeah, it’s me. Open the door, Jinyoung.”

The door cracked open after a click, and Jaebum suddenly being pulled inside, his lips crashed over another. He wrapped his arms around Jinyoung, pulling him closer as he invaded his mouth. It tasted salty from the tears that was smeared all over Jinyoung’s face. He groaned when Jinyoung started grinding against his crotch.

“It’s hurt… hurry…,” Jinyoung breathed, pleading. His hands eventually slid to Jinyoung’s front, undoing his slacks’ button, zipped them open, and let them fall to the floor. He turned themselves around so Jinyoung was pinned between him and the wall. He lifted up Jinyoung’s shirt with one hand and broke the kiss so the other could bite the fabric.

Jinyoung let out muffled moans as he teased his nipples, and even louder when he palmed his length through the cotton of his underwear. He jerked up his hips, demanding for more. So Jaebum pulled the underwear down and lifted one of Jinyoung’s leg, rubbing the rim of his rear with his fingers before easily thrusting into the thoroughly slicked orifice.

Before long, he pulled his fingers out, gaining a whine from Jinyoung. He picked out his wallet from the back pocket of his jeans and took out a condom from inside. He throw the wallet on the floor and bit the wrap as he opened his jeans and pulled them down together with his underwear to his thighs. He ripped the wrap off with his teeth, putting on the condom. He turned Jinyoung around to face the wall, lining himself with the puckered rim and pushed in to the hilt, forcing out a loud cry from Jinyoung’s mouth.

He tried to move slowly, which was hard to do with the way Jinyoung clenched around him. The warmth and tightness surrounding him almost drove him crazy, the smell of pheromone that was thick in the air messed his head, leaving him desperately clung onto the small part of his mind that was still sane enough to keep his primal instinct under control. Jinyoung didn’t make it any easier for him by impatiently bucking back to meet his hips. He tried to hold on as the base of his shaft started swelling, locking himself inside Jinyoung, and Jaebum filled the silicone up when Jinyoung tightened around him as he himself came.

Jaebum pulled himself away as soon as his knot deflated, but not the arms he wrapped around Jinyoung to support him. He gently sat the other down on the closet lid and kneeled before him. Jinyoung raised his knees up and hugged them as he started sobbing, each sound clawed on Jaebum’s heart. “Jiny-”

“Go,” Jinyoung cut him off, his voice hoarse and shaky.

“But your heat hasn’t completely gone yet…”

“I said go!” Jinyoung yelled, making Jaebum flinched. He stood up, knowing it would only make it harder for Jinyoung if he stayed. He stared sadly at the glimpse of bitten mark on Jinyoung’s neck peeking from the collar of his shirt, before he fixed his clothes and went with a heart that had been smashed into fragments.

Everyone got educated about genders, bonding, and everything else when they reached teen age, so did he. But no one told him how it felt to be rejected by his own mate. Once again, he felt like he was being stabbed and left to bleed until he died.

 

\--

 

Jinyoung was an omega and Jaebum was an alpha, both born in a family of betas. Their families were longtime friends, so they’ve been together since they were in diapers. Jinyoung was Jaebum’s best friend and vice versa, until Jaebum realized that he was in love with the other. He had since yearned for his childhood friend to be his mate, yet he kept his feelings by himself. He was afraid of breaking their friendship, and he didn’t want to creep Jinyoung out with the talk of being mate when they were still teenagers. He promised himself to tell Jinyoung later, when they were older. However, turned out he was too naive, or maybe fate just hate him. His hope indeed came true, but in the worst situation possible.

Jinyoung got his first heat in their first year of high school which was considered late since it usually came at middle school age, so he was being careless and didn’t bring his suppressant. Jinyoung never told Jaebum about the incident himself. He only knew from Jaehyung how it happened in the changing room of his soccer club before their practice. No one had came yet beside him and a senior. He always came early to practice individually, and that senior, who was the captain of the club, had been helping him with it. The senior, though, was an alpha.

Once the heat hit Jinyoung fully, just like any other alphas that were around omegas in heat, the senior was conquered by the alpha beast in him and attacked Jinyoung. Fortunately, right before he penetrated him, Jaehyung and one other beta came and save him. However, the damage was already too big.

The senior was actually nice. He took care of the team members well, that was why he was the captain. Jaebum didn’t know exactly how it felt because he had never been in a rut, even when he bonded with Jinyoung, but later after that he felt like he understood. Even with the suppressant it was still hard for him to keep reasons inside his mind, so being in a rut must had made you lost yourself, your existence, your identity beside being an alpha. However, he still couldn’t forgive what he did later.

Maybe deep inside he was so ashamed of himself, but being prideful like almost every alpha was, it made him deny harder. He told everyone that Jinyoung intentionally didn’t bring suppressant to seduce him, that he came onto him first. That he was a slut. It made everyone at school shunned him. Of course Jaehyung and Jaebum tried to refuted the claim, but no one would believe a beta over an alpha, and they would always say that Jaebum was biased because Jinyoung was his childhood friend and that he didn’t even at the scene himself.

Jinyoung didn’t say anything, though. He blamed himself for ruining the club, for not bringing his suppressant, for being an omega. He was disgusted by his own body that could turn a kind person into such brutish, cruel animal. He was disgusted by how powerless he was in that state, and the fact that although he knew he didn’t want it, at that moment he was so desperate and craving for an alpha to touch him, dominate him, and knotted him. That was why he didn’t say anything, because he thought half of the rumor was right. That he was a slut.

The incident made him scared of himself, and of others. He hated his own existence so much that when he knew he was allergic to suppressant and couldn’t use it, he attempted to take his own life.

Seeing the one he loved became like that hurt Jaebum deeply. Bright, cheerful Jinyoung disappeared. He lost his smile, he lost the spark in his eyes, leaving only the shell. He confined himself in his own room, refusing to meet anyone beside his family. Also Jaebum, after a month of coercing his best friend into trusting him through closed door and vowed he would never absent on taking his suppressant. He would never want to hurt him. He watched as Jinyoung fell deeper and deeper into depression, and after Jinyoung tried to commit suicide he couldn’t take it anymore. He proposed to Jinyoung the only solution he could think of at that time: became mate with him.

In his desperation, Jinyoung agreed. Jaebum’s parents, knowing that Jaebum already couldn’t be separated with Jinyoung, and Jinyoung’s parents, relieved to leave their son in trusted hand instead of someone they didn’t know, gave their consent. So, when Jinyoung’s next heat came, Jaebum bit him. But the day they became mate was the moment his hope of Jinyoung ever loved him back was lost forever. He needed to bury his feelings deep inside his heart because his love would only be a burden for Jinyoung. Jinyoung’s body might be bound to him, but not his heart.

They transferred to another town and continued to college there, where no one knew them, where they became toxic to each other. They didn’t live in one apartment, but still next to each other. Jinyoung started a new life as a beta. He always wore high collared shirt to hide his bite mark. Meanwhile, Jaebum became his only reminder of who he really was.

Jinyoung might try not to show it, but Jaebum could sense his discomfort whenever he was around. After every heat, Jinyoung pushed him away. He might felt like seeing his despised self in the one and only pair of eyes ever witnessed it, and he hated it. It stung. That was why he started distancing himself from Jinyoung, although it pained him so much to do so. Of course he wanted to always be beside Jinyoung, but what else he could do? How was he supposed to protect the one he love when the one who hurt that person the most was him?

However, what made him distanced himself further was guilt. Guilt because he couldn’t help but feel happy in those moment Jinyoung despised. Since he had the excuse to be close to him, to touch him. Since for the short while he could feel like Jinyoung really wanted him, although it was all only an illusion. Although when the heat was over, he would push himself away again.

Jinyoung was wrong. He was always beautiful, never disgusting. Jaebum was.

 

\--

 

Jaebum grunted as he was awaken by the loud doorbell. He walked sluggishly to the door, cursing anyone who woke him up so early in Sunday morning. His head was pounding from lack of sleep, trying to catch the deadline of his assignment yesterday. He planned to substitute all the sleep he had lose and sleep all day, hence why he was so annoyed by the disturbance. However, when the door opened, it disappeared into nothing.

Jinyoung stood there, as bright as the sunlight behind him in his white knitted sweater. He smiled at him, a blessing that hadn’t been directed to him for a long time, rendering him speechless as he stood like a stone on the doorway.

“Aren’t you going to let me in?” Jinyoung asked, snapping him from his frozen state. He scratched his bedhead and stuttered as he stepped aside to give way for Jinyoung, who strode in like he was in his own home. For a moment Jaebum thought he was dreaming. He felt like seeing Jinyoung before the incident, coming and hanging out in his room as he pleased. But the Jinyoung inside his apartment then was a person who hadn’t stepped into his room for maybe a year or so.

“What brought you here?” Jaebum asked.

Jinyoung sighed dramatically. He shoved the plastic bag he was holding to Jaebum’s chest, who took it and peeked inside. It was a cake. “How could you forget your birthday every year?”

“I don’t,” he denied.

“Yeah, right, and you’re so planning to celebrate your birthday sleeping the whole day. Exciting.”

“Well, you know no one celebrated my birthday beside you,” he shrugged. It was true. Not even his parents ever wished him a happy birthday, since the day he was born was also the day his twin died. So for his parents, each of his birthday was a mourning day. However, the seven year-old Jinyoung stubbornly celebrated it with him, saying he was grateful that he was born. “I just can’t help wondering if you will finally stop celebrating it, every year.”

Jinyoung was stunned for a moment before his face softened into a smile. “Of course not. I’ll forever be grateful that you’re born, Jaebum.”

Jaebum could only smiled back to him. He already knew that. But he also knew that the reason of that gratefulness was why he was the person Jinyoung hated to see the most. “Sit. I’ll cut it and bring it there.”

“What? No make-a-wish-candle-blowing ceremony?”

Jaebum rolled his eyes. “How old do you think I am?”

Jinyoung pouted. “Everyone do that even in their eighties!”

“Alright, alright. Let’s put it on the table and light it up.”

He set it down on the table facing the TV and sat on the floor. Jinyoung sat across him, sticking in all the small candles he brought and lit them up.

“Make a wish!” he said excitedly, and Jaebum couldn’t help but smiled. Even after he closed his eyes, he could still see the smile he wished he could protect forever. He opened his eyes and put out the candle in three blows, his prayer contained in each of them. Jinyoung clapped.

“Great! What do you wish for?”

“God won’t grant my wish if I said it out loud.”

“Well, that’s fine. Anyway, I have a good news for you.”

Jaebum raised an eyebrow at the suddenness. “What is it?”

“You know I’ve been doing research about suppressant, right?”

Jaebum nodded. Of course, that was why he entered science.

“Well, I finally made it!”

Jaebum felt his heart dropped. The day had finally came. The day Jinyoung succeeded in inventing a suppressant that wouldn’t trigger any allergic reaction from his body. The day Jaebum was no longer needed by Jinyoung’s side.

“Now, you can be free from me. You don’t have to drink suppressants anymore.”

_ Now, you’re no longer bound to me. _

“I didn’t mark you, so you can look for another mate. Someone you really like.”

_ But the only person I like is you. _

“Don’t mind me. Although there’s still no concrete evidence, I heard that if a bonded omega is going through heat for some years without its mate, the mark would eventually disappear as the bond would be severed. But even if it’s not, it doesn’t matter. I heard there’s already some successful surgery overseas. I can just get it someday, and everything will go back like how it was before. I can be your best friend again.”

_ How am I supposed to go back to being your friend after everything and see you with someone else? _

Jaebum stopped listening. Anything Jinyoung said would only hurt him more. He felt numb, like something inside him that was already cracked before finally broke.

“Jinyoung, I really thank you, but I’m sorry. I actually woke up all night to finish an assignment and I can’t hold my eyes open any longer. Can you just go home for today?”

Jinyoung stared at him, looking concerned. “ Are you okay? You don’t look good. You’re not sick, right?”

“Don’t worry, just lacking sleep. I’ll feel better once I sleep.”

Jinyoung smiled. “Alright, I’ll go home. Take care. Just tell me if you need anything.”

With that, he left. Jaebum only stared as the other walked away, and continued to stare at the door where he disappeared after it closed behind him. His heart hurt. It hurt so much he started hitting his chest to ease the pain. It hurt so much it was hard to breathe. It hurt so much he wanted to scream. It hurt so much he wanted to cry. It hurt so much he wished the ceiling would fall all over him and make it hurt so much he couldn’t think of the pain in his heart until he faded into nothingness, where he couldn’t feel pain anymore.

 

\--

 

Jaebum gnawed his hand, feeling the skin gave in under his teeth and the metallic taste of the blood that was gushing out burned his tongue. Not only his tongue, his whole body felt like it was on fire, combusting through his skin, bones, and organs. He was shaking so hard as he curled up at the corner of his room, desperately hanging on a thin line of sanity he had left.

He just went to the convenience store that night, restocking his stash of beer. Being completely sober knowing Jinyoung kept on living like nothing was wrong next door while he was hurting so much was too hard to bear. He was so close, yet unreachable. However, when he was on his way there, he heard a scream. Turned out there was a thief stealing a purse from a woman. He managed to catch him and get the purse back. But when he came back to return it, she fell into heat.

He was so close so the pheromone hit him hard although the heat hadn’t came fully. Fortunately before he did anything gravely terrible the woman managed to took out a syringe and injected the suppressant through her skin. However it wasn’t quick enough that his rut was already triggered. Maybe because she wasn’t fully in heat, or because he was mated to another person, there was still a grain of sanity left inside him. So holding onto that, he forced himself to run back to his house and ended up on the corner of his room, hurting himself instead of running amok outside.

Every inch of his body hurt, so much that he couldn’t even feel the pain in his heart that had been tormenting him. His mind was such a mess he couldn’t even think of being grateful. It felt like his mind had rendered into a beast. He could only think of sinking his teeth on someone, forcing his knot into any hole he could find, or even worse, breaking into Jinyoung’s apartment and attacked him.

Jinyoung scent had always been singing to him. Normally, it was a soft ballad that soothed his heart. It was ironic, because he was also the one who hurt him. When Jinyoung was in heat and he was on suppressant, it was alluring, tempting him to just go over the edge and let go. But now, when he was in a rut, it was like a dark magic spell that turned him into a monster. The spell intertwined with his blood and entangled his heart, cloaking it little by little with its black thread. The process went faster and faster as the smell got stronger, telling him that the owner was getting closer to him. Suddenly there was a knocking on the door.

“Jaebum, are you alright?”

Jinyoung’s voice was like gasoline to the fire inside him. His blood boiled, and he felt like he was going to explode.

“Answer me, Jaebum, I know you’re inside.”

It took his all not to run and open the door. “Go!,” he roared, his voice gruff and scratchy.

“What happened? Your scent smells strange.”

“Just go away! Run as far as you can!”

There was no answer, but he knew Jinyoung was still there. He hoped Jinyoung would give up and go. But turned out it was in vain.

“You’re in a rut, aren’t you?”

Jaebum didn’t answer. He knew he didn’t need to. Jinyoung already know. Then to his dread he heard beeping sound from the door, then it clicked open. Crap. He forgot Jinyoung knew the password.

Jinyoung’s scent filled the room, trapped inside when he closed the door behind him. Jaebum’s breath hitched, and without knowing, he growled. He felt disgusted by the way his eyes followed Jinyoung as he walked closer, seeing him as his prey.

“Stop! Please just go!”

Jinyoung didn’t stop.

“Jinyoung, please, stay away from me. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“But you’re hurting,” he said calmly, never missing a step until he was only a meter away from Jaebum, whose eyes widened as the other started unbuttoning his shirt.

“What are you doing?”

Jinyoung stopped. “I’m your mate. You’ve been doing it for me when I’m in heat, so I should too.”

“You’re not even in heat! You won’t be able to take it Jinyoung. You’ll get hurt!”

“It’s alright,” he said, inching closer to Jaebum, his smell so strong it drives him crazy. Jinyoung knelt in front of him, staring straight into his bloodshot eyes. “If it’s you, it’s alright.”

Then Jinyoung kissed him.

The touch of his lips completed the spell, and all reasons were lost. Jaebum jumped onto Jinyoung, pinning him with his stomach on the edge of the bed. There was so many voices in his head, taking a rein on his mind. He ripped off his shirt, revealing the vast pale skin, unmarred but a bite mark on the nape. He pulled down Jinyoung’s slacks and underwear to his knees, not meeting any resistance from Jinyoung. The beast in him growled merrily at the sight of a submissive omega under him. Dark lust veiled his mind, closing his logic down.

He knew Jinyoung wasn’t slicked and loosened enough since he wasn’t in heat, yet he shoved himself in to the hilt, forcing out a wail from Jinyoung. The omega sobbed as he thrusted mercilessly, resounding smack echoed inside the room as his hips slapped the other’s rear. The person he wanted to protect cried out and writhed every time his skin broke countless times under Jaebum’s teeth, blood painted the flushed skin in deeper red. He didn’t even eased down when his knot finally built up until it exploded inside.

Jaebum fell on top of Jinyoung, drained. The spell slowly pulled away its hold on him as he came down from his high. Realizing what he just did as soon as his senses kicked back in, he quickly pulled away from Jinyoung. He wanted to die. He finally lost not only the possibility of Jinyoung loving him back, but also the right to love him. He had broken his promise, saying he would never hurt Jinyoung. He couldn’t bear seeing the omega littered with wounds and bruises created by him. The smell of sex, sweat, and blood were so thick in the air he felt sick. He vomited on the floor, adding into the disgusting smell.

He looked up at Jinyoung again. Only then he noticed something was wrong. Jinyoung hadn’t move an inch. He turned him around, but his head dropped limply forward, swaying as Jaebum shook him in panic, shouting his name to no avail. Then he squeezed the delicate body in his arms, sobbing.

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry….”

 

\--

 

Jaebum didn’t know. He didn’t want to do it, he even turned off his phone and busied himself with helping his parents at their farm in case he was tempted. He wasn’t drunk too. Well, maybe a little more than tipsy since after a while he finally had the chance to be alone in his house, yet ended up feeling lonelier than when his parents were there to distract him. Maybe it made his longing felt bigger, crushing his heart and driving him crazy that before he realized he already turned on his phone and dialed Jinyoung’s number.

“Hello?”

That one word rang inside his ears, echoing inside of him, finally sobered him up. He panicked as he pulled away the phone from his ear and saw Jinyoung’s photo he took candidly on the screen. He was going to hang up when Jinyoung called out his name.

“Jaebum?”

He felt like crying. He thought he would never hear that voice calling his name again. His heart was crushed by how much he missed it. He put the phone on his ear again.

“Why don’t you say anything?”

_ Because I no longer have the right to. _

“Won’t you see me anymore?”

_ I no longer have the right to. _

“Then I’ll come to you.”

Jinyoung hung up. Jaebum was frozen, unable to process his last sentence. Before he was able to grasp what he meant, he heard the doorbell rang.

_ No way. _

He jumped to the window in his room, taking a glance downstairs. From there, he could see someone standing before the front door.

_ Jinyoung. _

Jaebum quickly hid when Jinyoung looked up. Maybe he would go when he thought there was no one home, so he stayed silent despite the riot in his head and the pounding in his chest. However he realized he was wrong when he heard footsteps coming near his room. Damn, did he forget to lock the front door? He rushed to his room’s door and locked it. He still couldn’t face Jinyoung after what he had done to him. His heart pummeled faster and faster as he heard the footsteps got closer and closer until it stopped in front of the door behind him. A soft knocking vibrated through the air.

“Jaebum, I know you’re inside. Please open the door.”

Jaebum took a deep breath, leaning on the door. The realization of Jinyoung being so close yet unreachable hurt more than ever. But who was he to feel hurt? He didn’t have the right to love him anymore.

“Why are you here? Why do you want to see me? I’ve always been a reminder of all the bad things you’ve gone through after all, and now I even become a perpetrator. I’m a poison to you, I only make you suffer. It’s best that we don’t see each other anymore. You’re right to cut your bond with me.”

“Don’t say that. Don’t say that we shouldn’t see each other anymore. You’re never a bad memories for me, Jaebum.”

Jaebum gritted his teeth, his back slid down and he gathered his knees, trying to grab a hold of himself from the squeezing guilt. “I’m a monster, Jinyoung, I hurt you. I promised you and your parents that I’ll never hurt you and always protect you, but look what I’ve done. I can’t face them anymore.”

“It’s not your fault!”

“I gave you those wound. I gave you those pain. It is my fault, Jinyoung. I’m as guilty as that senior who attacked you.”

“No, you’re wrong. This time, it happened because of my selfishness. You wouldn’t do any of that if I left you alone like you asked. But I’m not. I make you do that.”

“You just tried to help me!” he argued. For a moment silence weighed between them before Jinyoung’s voice break it again, more quiet than before.

“I didn’t do that with such a noble intention, Jaebum. I wanted you to do that to me. I wanted you to hurt me. I wanted you to leave your marks on me. I wanted your first heat to be with me, not anybody else.”

Jaebum’s eyes widen at the confession, the shock made his heart stop. What was he saying?

“Everything’s my fault since the beginning. I’m the one who always give you bad memories. I used you, I hurt you. I agreed to be your mate although I knew you only did that out of kindness. The only thing that makes me feel grateful for being an omega is because I can bind you to me. It all happened because I love you.”

Jaebum was rendered speechless. His brain couldn’t process what Jinyoung just said. That couldn’t be true. There was no way Jinyoung would’ve love him.

“I know I’ll have to let you go someday to find your true mate, someone you truly love, but I kept dragging it on. Every time I did it with you, I felt so guilty afterward. For using my identity as an omega, for using your kindness and pity to keep you with me. It kept building up, and as time passed on, I started to become unable to look into your eyes. And when you started to stay away from me, I thought you started regretting being bound to me. I realized that it was time to let you go. I can’t hurt you any more than that. I thought maybe I could still stay by your side as a friend, like back before that incident happened, if I convince you that the bond can be erased. That way I can stay close without hurting you.”

“But I couldn’t hold myself back when I see you in your first rut. I was jealous because it was triggered by someone else than me. I wanted to monopolize you. I wanted to have your first rut even though I know it would hurt you more. I wanted you to lose control over me. I wanted you to wanted me as much as I did. I wanted you to leave your marks all over me. I want you to give me the sweet pain of being yours, even if it was just for a moment. That’s why it’s not your fault. It was mine.”

Jaebum was at loss of words. It was too much for him to take. The hurricane inside him was so loud he didn’t notice the silence surrounded them for quite a while until he heard a faint sigh from the other side of the door, a hint of resignation and pain were injected into the voice.

“Of course you won’t open the door, not now when you know the truth. I am a horrible person, yes. I was afraid you would hate me if you know, that’s why I didn’t say anything and ended up hurting you. But I can’t let you blame yourself when you’re never at fault, so here I come. I understand if you don’t want to see me anymore. I’ll get going now.”

Those words brushed every kind of thoughts away from him except that he couldn’t let Jinyoung go after he knew his love wasn’t one sided. He quickly stood up and opened the door, revealing Jinyoung’s surprised face, and his heart clenched at how much he had missed that face. He almost pulled the other into his arms before he stopped himself, suddenly remembering what happened last time he touched him. He hesitated. Was it really alright for him to touch Jinyoung? Was it really alright for him to stay by Jinyoung’s side? What if he hurt him again?

However, those fears were all forgotten when a firm grip circled around his wrist. His hand was pulled up and warmth spread out from the palm that touched Jinyoung’s cheek it melted his tears down. He replied the soft smile that was thrown at him with his own as he gazed into the transparent brown eyes.

“You really need to stop breaking into people’s houses before it became a habit.”

Jinyoung chuckled before looking at him with a glint of sadness. “Look at you. You’ve been suffering because of me, huh? I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I love you. I won’t burden you anymore, so please, let me stay by your side even if it’s just as a friend. Can I?”

Jaebum searched for any hint of uncertainty, but in the other’s eyes he only found sincerity and hope. He still couldn’t believe that Jinyoung truly love him and wanted to be with him. It was all too good to be true, he was afraid it was only a dream he would soon wake up from. But the warmth against his palm didn’t lie; Jinyoung really was standing before him, saying he loved him. He put his other hand on Jinyoung’s hair, brushing it back and it slid down until it rested on Jinyoung’s other cheek.

“What friend? We already can’t be friends anymore since long ago. You’re someone I love ever since before I understand what that four letters mean. You’re the only one who I want be my mate. No one else would do.”

Jaebum could see his words seeped into Jinyoung through his eyes before they were slowly filled with tears.

“You’re lying,” he said, shaking.

“Is all my suffering a lie? I’m not a saint. I wouldn’t go through it all if I don’t love you, Jinyoung. I’m head over heels for you, that’s why your rejection agonized me so. I thought you did that because I reminded you of things you didn’t want to remember, that’s why I stayed away from you although it tortured me. I hate to see you hurt. I just want to see you happy, with or without me, I don’t care even if I’m hurt. Tell me, Jinyoung, if it’s not love, what is?”

Jaebum stopped talking, didn’t know what else he could say to make Jinyoung believe him. But rather than years in the misery of an unrequited love, he would prefer trying to convince Jinyoung to believe in his love anytime, even if it took forever. Before he realized though, a pair of arms was flung around his neck, and legs crossed over the small of his back. He almost fell back from the force of the other’s jump, wrapping his own arm tightly around Jinyoung’s waist. And a second later, his lips was claimed by another.

He closed his eyes as he was pulled into a passionate kiss, their tongue tangled together, craving to taste each other. He carefully stepped back until his legs met the bed and he sat them on it, setting Jinyoung on his laps. All of that without breaking the kiss. How many times had he dreamed about that moment, Jinyoung kissing him by his own accord without being influenced by heat? He never thought it would come true, but it did, and it swelled his heart with so much happiness he thought it would burst. And when Jinyoung finally pulled away, he could see the same happiness sparked his eyes, and his swollen mouth duplicated the smile shaped on his face.

“It took us a very long way to get together. What have we been doing all those years? We really are too much of a fool,” he said, mocking themselves in disbelief. Jinyoung chuckled.

“Let’s just make a promise to not hide anything from each other again so no more years wasted like that. It’s so frustrating.”

Jaebum grinned. “Sounds good for me.”

“Also to never let go of each other, no matter what happens, forever.”

Jaebum pecked Jinyoung’s lips, the receiver gasped in surprise. “Forever sounds great.”

Jinyoung held out his pinky. “Promise?”

Jaebum hooked the finger with his own, pressing his lips on them. “Promise.”

Jinyoung smiled, and he too.

“I love you, Jaebum. I really am.”

“And I love you more, Jinyoung. Forever and beyond.”

An hour ago he still think it was impossible to tell Jinyoung he loved him, but turned out it was so easy. He could do that everyday, every hour, every minute. And he thought he would never heard those words came from Jinyoung’s mouth for him, but how many times had he heard it already by then.

“How can you know that? You don’t even know how much I love you.”

Jaebum laughed. It had been long since he laughed so freely like that. He forgot that his Jinyoung always hated to lose.

_ His  _ Jinyoung. He could also put a claim Jinyoung’s heart, at last. Jinyoung was finally, completely his. And he couldn’t ask for more.

**Author's Note:**

> Greeting you again in a oneshot! It's the first omegaverse themed fanfic I write, and the first time I use Hangul as the title. I just like how the title rhymes in Korean and can't find better title for this fic. Hope you like it!
> 
> I'm thinking of making one more chapter for this fic, but from Jinyoung's point of view. I still don't know when I'll write it, or if I'd ever will. What do you think? Do you want the second chapter?
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading this fic! How do you like my fic? I really hope you like this fic, but if there's something you don't like, you can just tell me so I can be better on my next fic. Thank you so much! You're all amazing reader :))


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